This topic is very personal one. Not only for me but for many others who try to live their life remembering that they are in psychological recovery. Trying to grow and develop, learn some social skills. The main theme is the Narcissistic abuse. Surprisingly it is still not very known fenomenon. This area of psychology identifies unhealthy patterns in those who are excessively self-absorbed and in those who tolerate and enable their behaviour. It teaches healthy assertivity as defence against bullies and helps to deal with situations of real life which we would otherwise find extremely challenging. It It teaches people to stand for themselves, own responsibility and in the same time stay kind and connected to others.
It is helpful and educative reading. I think that everyone should have at least overall knowledge about this problematics. It helps to find a way. I always think how lucky we actually are to live in the times of technology - such as audiobooks, you-tube, advancing psychology. Nowadays there are certainly answeres for those who look for them. I can't appreciate enough what it has meant to me in the times of chaos.
However, there is something which I don't like much about some of the books as well as videos on the topic. Particularly these, which concentrate on the personality of narcissist. And don't get me wrong here. I am not justyfying abuse here. Any form of abuse is inexcusable. However I think that we should always remember, that narcissist is human too. There are reasons for their behaviours. Which does not make them right of course. But putting stigma on people usually does not help anything - on contrary, it is very dangerous. It creates simplyfied image of villain, enemy. It tempts one to fear this 'monster'. I like the interpretation, that narcissism is a scale and the fact, how much narcissistic one really is depends on how much he or she engages in narcissistic behaviours. I read these books with the aim to identify behavioral patterns. But I think we still should not judge people.
I believe that in the healing of everybody there is period of victimhood. We need to hear validation for our suffering. I get it. It helps to break deniol and release stuffed anger. We need a prove that certain things are not right, regardless of what we might have been made to believe. But this period should have its end, because things are not black and white. There is little bit of narcissist in all of us, because we are imperfect humans. We should not stay stuck in the eternal hatered of the perpetrator. Otherwise we will fear those people forever and gradually turn into the abuser ourselves. Many books take stance that people with personality disorders are unable to change. Today for the first time I have read that maybe there is nothing like personality disorder, just a scale of injury. And nothing is impossible for those who really want. If narcissist heals or not should not be that much of our business anyway. The more I learn about boundaries, the more I am convinced that they should be same for everybody. Based on our feelings and values. And it is not easy to heal them at all...
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