It has been three months now of my office-rat-like existence. I am in probation period which feels like having permanently knife on my neck. Two months ago I have been visited by HR women from downstairs. So far it had been perfectly normal and relaxed day. She took me to the corridor and said that my husband was very distressed, because his contract had been terminated. She politely asked me, if I could provide him with some comfort. For few moments I felt like visitor from another planet. Since when do I have a husband? I failed to remember any moment of my life which would at least resemble my wedding and I came to conclusion, that she must be crazy. Does she mean my boyfriend?? Did they fire him????!! And what kind of comfort does shem mean, we are in the office for God's sake!!!!! With growing panic I ran downstairs and I found my boyfriend standing in front of the building. His face was pale. They fired him, without saying any reason at all. He was told to immediately leave building and not to come back. There was no build-up, no warning, no sign or anything which would prepare us to something like this. It was like strike of the lightning from the clear sky.
What was even worse it was just one week from moving into our new flat. We moved to Cardiff for this job, we have waited one month for this flat, living in airbnb and in my boyfriend's van in the meantime. It was though, but we managed everything. We had just got some basic furniture to our new empty living space and we have had hot water for two days after having our boiler fixed. And than this.
Long story short - we never learned any reason why they did it. No answer for his e-mails, no explanation has been provided. Just one sentence - 'we can do this to anyone who has not been working here for two years'. Well, of course they can. But to do it like this one has to be really, really proper asshole. And not only that - to me our superiors keep behaving like nothing has happened. Like it was not even my business. Some of them just avoided eye contact for at least three weeks. The company is not that big. I am meeting HR people almost every third day. It is not like this could be left like this and we go on. And what was even worse - my colleagues obviously started to behave like i was having a plague. I can tell, it is 'great' working enviroment, when you wait for being fired every day, you are looked down at by your superiors, suspected and avoided by your co-workers and where everybody keeps whispering behind your back. These little whispering groups of worried and scared people and suddle looks towards my direction, that all has been making me incredibly angry. Do these people not see that there is apparently no justice in this company? That leadership can do whatever they want and they do not give one honest fuck about us as people? Apparently most of them refuse to admit anything like that.
But apart from this, working relationships in this firm are incredibly weird. I really don't like it. I do not understand why should I pretend to be more interested in what I am doing than I actually am. To be honest, I am not completley disengaged, but I also do not care that much about the cases I make. They are job. Nothing more, nothing less. I want to do good job, but my heart has better things to do than be invested in filling the forms. Luckily enough I haven't said that at work, because they would probably lynch me.
It seems that this job is giving way more than just wage to many people there. They put on personas and call it being 'proffessional'. It honestly looks like the job is their God - their purpose, their value, their meaning and bread-giver. One can't possibly make fun of being Researcher. The role is obviously far too serious for that. Because filling in the forms is a matter of life and death, obviously. It is better not to talk with each other at all, because than we might lose our personas. I feel sick of that. I feel like in prison, I really want to somewhere else. And even though no one answeres my job aplications I will succeed, at the end... I managed to get out of worse situations. At the end it will be me and my boyfriend who will be laughting!