This is maybe not for everyone. There are many ways to the same destination. Some people choose as their main road religion, others school of social skills. I belive that it does not matter because at the end, hopefully result is the same healthy, content and functional adult.
From all the options I have decided for psychological self-help approach. Simply because religious climate I was operating in was not healthy at all and schools of social skills usually aim at men and their abilities to attract women. My social circle was pretty disfunctional not even talking about family climate. In my country psychology is not very advanced yet, therefore I decided instead of going to the therapy, to find out what is wrong for myself. I have chosen proffesionals who were known as capacities in their field as my only reliable source of trust. The biggest help and support were for me videos of American therapist and founder of Centre for Self Differentiation Jerry Wise. His kind and calm voice helped me to find the way through the worst emotional storms. They are all available for free on YouTube.
This is the list of my 'Bibles'. These books helped me to gain the insight I needed to move my life into the direction I wanted, to gain hope for the future, to save relationship with my family and to maintain relationship with my boyfriend. Believe me. It is not easy. But it is possible. Wheather you struggle with depression, anxiety or low self-esteem, this should help.
1) An Adult Child's Guide to What is Normal by Friel and Friel
This tiny short book is a life-saver. In nicely structured manner it introduces you to the worldview free of depression and despair. After shortly and clearly introducing the basic terms such as co-dependency, adult child, validation, victimhood or emotional needs, the book provides reader with various scenarios of difficult situations and the healthy way how to deal with them. These situations consist either from harmless ones like broken car or rainy day, either from more serious ones like pregnant teenager or illness in the family. This was extremely helpful for me since in my cathastrophic thinking I did not even know that any other viewpoints existed. At the end the book introduces reader to the the detailed list of feelings so one can start practicing understanding their own sleves.
2) Surviving a Borderline Parent by K. Roth, F.B. Friedman and R. Kreger
This book seems by its title extremely specific. The trick is, that borderline personality is a set of traits. It is a scale. And as it is noted in the book under number 4) basically all untreated adult children behave like borderlines to some level. Therefore this book provides reader with fantastic validation, insight into real family dynamics and it also contains several role-playing scenatios with guidance how to respond to your borderline parent in more mature and healthy manner.
3) Narcissistic Family - Diagnoses and Treatment by S. Donaldson-Pressman and R.M. Pressman
This is the same case as the point above. The book adresses personality traits, not full blown personality disorder. And where there are borderline traits, the chance of narcissism is huge. The same problem from slightly different perspective. The book shows how to deal with legacy of narcissism in ourselves and how to set better boundaries with those who are narcissistic. It introduces stories of many people who have grown up in narcissistic household and provides reader with great feeling of not being alone. The book forsteres hope and shows solutions.
4) Healing the Shame that Binds You by John Bradshaw
John Bradshaw is a legend in his field. This book written by him on the topic of shame has been especially helpful to me in order to understand this emotion which apparently runs people's lifes. Bradshaw coveres everything. Explains shame-based functioning of alcoholics and other addicts and uncoveres dangers of functioning as human doing instead of human being. Dedicates also the whole chapter to healthy sexuality and provides explanation f healthy shame and its necessity in order to experience excitement. I would recomment this book to everyone because of its exhausting informative content and the understandable language.
5) 12 Rules of Life by Jordan B. Peterson
As a lawyer I see this book as simply fantastic. I would never believe that the most impotrant lessons about how to orientate onself in life can be so beautifully structured in twelve easy rules. I listen to it over and over and this book is my ongoing source of inspiration, hope and life wisdom. In the same time I recommend also oyoutube channel of professor Peterson, because what you can learn there is simply incredible.